


wubba lubba dub dub or whatever

by rosielibrary



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Action/Adventure, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 20:09:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16839541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosielibrary/pseuds/rosielibrary
Summary: ford and rick adventures ahoy(word of warning: this fic is from 2015 and unedited!)





	wubba lubba dub dub or whatever

Working at the Mystery Shack proved to have its fair share of curious happenings. So far, you’d seen gnomes, a green squid-like thing that ate faces, and a bull with human legs asking if you were “man” enough to tussle with him.

None of those, not even Stanford’s journals about the other weird stuff in this town, could have prepared you for Rick Sanchez.

The emerald green portal erupts into the gift shop and a man stumbles out of it, his silver flask in his hand, and a small kid with a yellow shirt falling out after him. You’re staring at them, wide-eyed from the incredulousness of whatever the hell that was, when the man turns to face you, his tired eyes slowly blinking once, twice.

“‘Sup.”

“Uh, hi? Welcome to the Mystery Shack, sir,” you announce, glancing to the kid behind the man’s coat. “And smaller sir.”

He smiles at that, and you return it happily. However, the man seems unperturbed by your introduction, leaning against the register’s desk and giving you a once-over.

“You know of a Stanford Pines?”

Your brow arches and the kid tugs at his guardian’s (??) lab coat, muttering about not being embarrassing, but the man brushes it off.

“Uh, yes, I do.” Oh, you certainly do.

You worked for his twin brother Stanley at his tourist trap in the woods, giving tours and selling knick-knacks to unsuspecting tourists. It was interesting, to say the least, but it was more the scientist in the corner that you liked instead of the Mr. Mystery bobbleheads watching you from across the room.

Stanford had asked you for help with one of his projects, and you happily agreed to spending time with him. However, it was all a ruse to get to talk to you more; he had no idea what to do to get you to say more than “good morning” and “see you tomorrow” to him.

And, of course, you ended up sitting on his lap and making out with him for a long while. Like you do.

You weren’t really a “thing”, but you snuck off during your breaks to his basement to either talk or other means of communicating, and he was so sweet to you, always making sure you were okay, that you’d not skipped lunch to come see him. Stanford was a total nerd, but he was still a very handsome one. And those hands… Wait, shit, this guy’s telling you something.

“… And this planet needs this — needs this elemental source to bas-basically win world peace and stuff. And I know Ford’s got it, s-so I need it, like, soon. You know where he is? ‘Cause— ‘cause if he’s out, I don’t mind waitin’ for him with you.”

The little kid sighs at him and wanders off to look at the souvenirs, squinting at the snow globes.

“I don’t even know your name, sir,” you tell him, leaning against the counter. “You could be some serial murderer set to kill Ford and myself to get this mineral that will help you take over the multiverse.”

“You’re smart, kid,” he smirks, pocketing the gun (you think) in his hand and offering out a handshake. “The name’s Rick. That over there’s Morty. You are?”

You introduce yourself to Rick and wave at Morty, who looks up from the postcards rack and waves back. After talking to Rick for a while (and trying to ignore his obvious checking you out as you restock the gift shop), Ford comes out to ask you a question and pauses when he sees Rick at the counter, making you laugh at something he said.

“Rick Sanchez, is that you? And here I thought you hated this dimension,” he grins, but his eyes flicker to you for a moment inquisitively.

“Stanford Pines! T-There you are. Okay, I need you and your strain of–of Roilarch to come with me to Planet C-336, now.” Rick wastes no time in making Ford get the Roilarch (which turned out to be a bright yellow and oddly triangular element, one that Ford stares at with a shudder) and putting another portal through the wall of the Shack, telling everyone to hop in, and quick.

“Wait, me too?”

You undo your name-tag and leave it on the counter, coming around it to stand in front of the portal in disbelief.

“Yeah, you could be useful, who knows,” Rick says over his shoulder, about to step into the portal after his grandson. “Come on– burp— come on then, we’ve got places to get to.”

Ford tries to protest but you’ve already taken Rick’s outstretched hand, and he tugs you through the portal and onto the planet in question, both of you landing on your feet atop off-yellow gravel. Ford follows soon after and you let go of Rick’s hand, shrugging at him in response to his angry frown.

“Rick, if she gets hurt while we’re here, you’re going to be–”

“In some deep shit, I get it,” he sighs, turning around to make sure the portal had warped away. “What, you two a thing or somethin’?”

Morty looks up at you in disbelief, and you know you couldn’t say anything with him on Rick’s tail. Not like you were a thing, anyways.

“No, no, I’m just sure that Stan would be mad if we got back to our dimension and I had, y'know, broken a limb or something,” You lie, but you see each of Ford’s six-fingered hands curl into fists at his sides.

“Well then, we’ve got places to be, planets to save,” Rick says, and he snakes an arm around your waist. “Let’s show you the sights, since Morty’s b-been here before.”

He explains to you about planet C-336 and its failing government, how the queen had just been infected with some alien illness, and now the people were leader-less and resorting to violence to try and keep the planet together, which, of course, wasn’t working well. The disease had spread around the townspeople and they were killing each other off to try and stop it spreading, but the only antidote was Roilarch, which Rick knew Ford had hidden away in his private bunker, something even you hadn’t seen. The plan was to get rid of the infected people (Morty whispers “Grandpa Rick” and pulls at his sleeve), feed the ground up Roilarch to the survivors (Morty’s plea gets a little louder, but Rick doesn’t pay attention), and hopefully save what’s left of the planet.

“Rick!”

Morty’s yell is met by several loud moans from about twenty feet away from you.

“Shit.” Rick pulls a small ray gun from behind his back, aiming it at the crowd of… Zombies.

They were literal zombies, with their skin an off-grey and their eyes white, the pupils rolled into the backs of their heads. One of them pauses to puke on the ground and the vomit stains through the gravel, making a visible hole.

Maybe this wasn’t what you bargained for.

Morty hides behind Rick and you duck behind Ford as the two of them shoot at the zombies, and within a minute or so, they all laid dead at your feet. You felt ill at the sight and the smell but close your eyes, holding onto the sleeve of Ford’s coat as you pass through them.

Rick’s the one that keeps shooting the incoming zombie-like aliens, but after a while you make it to an abandoned shop on the outskirts of town. The four of you relax for a moment, and Rick reloads his gun (somehow), while Ford makes sure Morty was okay. After a moment, he turns to you.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” He asks quietly, his dark eyes clouded with concern. “I don’t want you getting hurt because of Rick’s foolishness.”

“I’ll be fine, Ford,” you smile. “But I could probably use a gun to defend myself, y'know?”

Rick overhears that and jumps to the occasion, looking around the shop and finding a handgun that he passes to you with a grin.

“Now just b-be careful, alright? Last time I gave Morty a gun– Morty, Morty, remember? Those weird aliens you shot when you had those seeds s-stuck up your–”

“I remember!” Morty cuts his grandpa off quickly, his cheeks pink. “Geez, Rick, are—are— are you sure about this?”

“Sure I am, Morty.” Rick burps, looking outside towards the streets. More people were traveling towards the large building in the center of the town, where you think the queen must be. Swallowing nervously, you examine the gun in your hands, trying to stop their shaking.

“Let’s do this shit.”

Rick kicks open the door and shoots three zombies down flat, Ford following soon after, and Morty scuttles after his grandpa while you bring up the rear. A zombie comes far too close to you and you manage to wound it, catching it off-guard while Rick kills it, and he winks at you before he goes back to the front of your group, yelling some odd saying you didn’t understand.

Ford’s distracted with protecting Morty and doesn’t notice the undead woman about to bite his shoulder, but you shoot it in the back of the head, where it crumples to the floor behind him. Ford turns around to see you firing at more zombies and you see a mixture of adoration and fear on his face before he flips back around, and once you make it to the building’s door there’s only two zombies left. Rick’s back is flush against yours and you both shoot one each, finishing the job.

“Well, now that’s o-over.” Rick takes his flask out and drinks for a moment, the liquid dripping down his chin. “Good job, I guess. Let’s get this done with and what-whatever.”

Rick does most of the talking. You stand at Ford’s side as the portal-jumper negotiates with the guards, who thankfully step aside to let you all in. Inside the building are the remaining survivors, all quarantined from the rest of the people outside, who, uh, were dead. Rick conveniently “forgets” to mention that as you walk past the incubated room, looking at your feet so you don’t meet the eyes of any of the infected patients.

Ford takes your hand when he sees your discomfort and he squeezes it tightly, reassuring you that he was still there. Relaxing slightly from the touch, you follow Rick and Morty into the queen’s room, where she lay coughing into her spidery hands in what you guess to be her bed.

Rick takes a chunk of the Roilarch and smashes it to bits on the table before dropping the crumbs into a glass, which turns the liquid inside it pink, weirdly enough. The queen sips at the concoction and the color comes back to her face, her gruff voice thanking Rick for saving her life, but to take care of her subjects now.

The four of you get quarantine masks and gloves, blending the Riorbach from chunks to sand-like particles to pink water and distributing it among the survivors. Each one blesses you for your kindness as they begin to look perkier, healthier, happier. By the time the last patient, a little boy, is fed, everyone is standing and turning to face the four of you, thanking them for their lives back, for their families back.

Yeah, about that…

Rick activates the portal before any of them leave the makeshift hospital and you all hop through before they ask any more questions. Landing back in the Mystery Shack, you quickly dodge the stand of blue and white pine tree hats, but Morty isn’t so lucky, knocking the entire display over. He apologizes profusely, stammering up at you nervously, but you reply with “it’s not a problem", picking up a hat and dusting it off. It’s cute, actually. Probably not for you, though, you never looked good in hats.

Rick and Ford talk for a moment and you hear “catch up at some point” from Ford, to which Rick clasps his hand on his broad shoulder, muttering about a different sort of catch.

His dazed eyes look to you for a split second, but long enough for you to catch it, and you drop the hats you’d picked up.

They continue talking as Morty helps you replicate the hat stand, their voices low, so you couldn’t hear them. You decide it’s probably just dimension-hopping talk, so you make awkward conversation with Morty until you finish, dropping the last hat atop the display with a flourish.

Rick says his goodbyes to Ford before he turns to you, saying if you ever needed help with anything in the future, anything at all… Just give Ford a holler, he would probably get it done much cleaner and quicker. He waggles his eyebrows at you and you feel your face flood with color, your handshake lasting a little too long before he opens a portal to his world, dragging his grandson through it as he waves goodbye to you. The portal zaps into nonexistence and you go back behind the counter— no time had passed since when you left and when you came back, the clock reading you still had a hour left of work.

“Rick was interesting,” you say to Ford’s receding form, knowing he wanted to avoid talking about it.

“He’s certainly… Something,” he replies at last, walking back through the door and facing you across the counter. “I don’t like how he endangers his grandson so often, though. I’d never take Dipper or Mabel through the portal with me.”

You smile at the mention of his cute grand-niece and nephew, having met them a few times before they went back home for the school term.

“I guess Morty’s more capable than he looks,” you shrug, going towards the box-full of novelty pens you were sorting, but Ford takes your hand in his to pull you back, and when you turn to face him, his eyes are anxious, corners of his mouth turned down in a concerned frown.

“Are you sure you’re alright after all that?” Ford adjusts his glasses before stuffing his other hand back in his coat pocket. “After all you saw today, all of that carnage, are you going to be okay?”

“Ford, I’ll be fine.” You lean up on your toes and press your lips to his cheek, his expression softening. “I promise.”

“Well, if you’re sure. Now then, another matter to discuss…” He lets go of your hand and circles around the counter so he’s mere inches away from you, pulling your body against his to close the gap.

“I wasn’t a fan of how Rick looked at you back there,” he says under his breath, his lips at your ear. “Or how you seemed to like it. Remember your place.”

Ford’s dark eyes lock on yours and his pupils are dilated beyond belief. His hand around your waist gathers your shirt into his fist.

“Remember who you belong to.”

Well, that was new. And very unlike Ford— not to say you were complaining. You shiver, swallowing thickly before a curt nod tips your hair into your face. His fingers loosen their grip and go to tuck your hair away from your eyes, a warm but firm smile on his lips.

“Good. Rick was certainly interesting, and certainly interested in you. I told him of an idea of mine, but he said he’d think about—“

Ford’s interrupted by Rick’s head popping out of the portal once more, a smug grin appearing when he sees how close the two of you are behind the counter.

“Hey, Ford, I w-wanted to tell ya that yes, I’m down for your — urp — your idea. And hands off, would ya? Jesus, save some.”

He winks at the two of you and disappears once more, leaving Ford looking satisfied and you confused, but intrigued.

“What idea is this, exactly?” Ford leaves you hanging and goes towards the door, his hands behind his back.

“Oh, nothing. Just an idea.”

He leaves before you get an actual answer and you sigh loudly, rolling your eyes as his laughter recedes down the hall and silence overtakes the Shack once more.


End file.
